A zombie expert is urging people to prepare for the rise of the undead this Christmas as leading bookmakers announce surprising odds of just 2,000/1 for a zombie apocalypse striking on December 25. Ministry of Zombies founder Sean T. Page is offering some top tips for staying safe during the festive season including how to distinguish a vacant-looking husband on a shopping trip or mumbling teenage brother on Christmas morning, from the living dead.
A zombie apocalypse is now more likely than Crystal Palace winning the Barclays Premiership this season, which has odds of 5,000/1.
The chances of an apocalypse can also be compared to the odds of Prince Harry marrying Miley Cyrus at 500/1 and a white Christmas in London at 5/1.
Sean T. Page, who is also the author of the Haynes Zombie Survival Manual, says:
“The public are always interested in the odds of a white Christmas, but they should be more concerned by the increasing likelihood of a zombie apocalypse."
“The most likely time for an outbreak is during the busy festive season as people spend more time in large groups, making it easier for the zombie virus to spread, triggering the apocalypse."
“I do not believe the government has an appropriate level of response prepared for a zombie apocalypse which could break out in just a matter of days.”
Alex Donohue, a Ladbrokes spokesman, says:
“We are confident that the odds of a zombie apocalypse at 2,000/1 are correct, and although the public should exert caution over the Christmas period, they should not be unduly concerned about the chances of the undead rising up to attack and eat the living.
“To put it into context, the odds of a white Christmas in London are 5/1 and Prince Harry is four times more likely to marry Miley Cyrus, so people need not be alarmed. Admittedly a zombie apocalypse is more likely than Crystal Palace winning the Barclays Premiership, but you really are living in the realm of fantasy if you think that is going to happen.”
Sean’s guidance for identifying the start of the apocalypse:
(1) Drunk or Zombie? – It is the classic Christmas conundrum – are they drunk or a zombie? Whether you are at an office party or on the train home late at night you must carefully look for the tell-tale signs – do they have a glazed look, staggering walk, slurred guttural noises and an unpleasant smell? Yes these are all classic signs of an office party goer but if they try to take a chunk out of you it is time to re-classify them as the menacing undead, in which case, run like the wind.
(2) Christmas Shopping – When Christmas shopping you are likely to encounter staggering crowds, angry mobs of shoppers and husbands looking vacant & lost – these could all be proof of the zombie apocalypse rather than just a December day on Oxford Street. Always carry a bag of supplies with you so if you do get caught out, you can make a dash for the food hall at Selfridges and see out the end of the world in style.
(3) Unexpected Visitors – If you hear a heavy thumping on the door whilst watching a Muppets Christmas Carol, you must evaluate the risk. Whether it is the walking dead who have come to feast on your brain or just the unwanted friends and relatives who return like Slade every Christmas, our advice is to turn the lights down very low and close all the curtains. You might just get through this one.
(4) Christmas Dinner – Turkey with all the trimmings can be the highlight of the season, but don’t over-indulge this year, as you will become easy prey for zombies. You need to stay trim and mobile to survive the apocalypse, so why not have a lighter meal and avoid the chronic indigestion caused by the desperate life or death escape from the zombies which is likely to come in the evening.
(5) Christmas Excess – Yuletide is a time of excessive food, chocolates and most-of-all alcohol. But at times it can be very difficult to tell if your staggering uncle or mumbling teenage brother has just over-indulged or has become the walking dead. Think very carefully before you reach for the snow shovel.
The book has been nominated for the non-fiction award in the People’s Book Prize, click here to vote.
The information on this page is supplied courtesy of Haynes Publishing, please credit accordingly if you intend to use it. For more information or to request a review copy please contact Spirit PR on 0117 944 1415 or email Haynes PR
Haynes Manuals is the world's leading publisher of illustrated workshop car and motorcycle manuals, as well as producing manuals on a wide range of DIY, leisure and lifestyle subjects. These will continue to include motoring and motorsport related subjects.