The chances of an invasion from ET and his buddies may be slimmer than first thought, after bookmakers gave odds of just 100/1 of an alien invasion by the end of next year*.
The odds were announced by Ladbrokes to coincide with the publication of the Alien Invasion Manual by Sean T. Page, and suggest that there is more chance of an alien invasion than the Lib Dems winning the most seats at next year’s general election (200/1), Tottenham winning the Barclays Premier League (150/1) or William and Kate naming their second child Gary (200/1).
Sean T. Page, the author of the Alien Invasion Manual and self-appointed Minister for Alien Defence, says:
"People who believe in the existence of extra-terrestrial life are often marginalised and mocked, but there has been a long history of UFO sightings, abductions and believers from presidents to paupers and from celebs to Sean Ryder.
"This announcement from reputable bookmakers Ladbrokes is further evidence that malignant forces are at work outside our earth that not only want to visit our planet, but probe our people and eventually enslave the human race."
Alex Donohue from Ladbrokes says:
"When Haynes approached us for the odds of an alien invasion we thought it was a joke but the more we researched the subject the more convinced we came that we can't rule out the existence of alien life presenting itself on our planet entirely. Perhaps people and governments alike should start to put meaningful precautions in place."
UFO sightings and abduction cases continue to increase, with millions around the world now reporting that they have been held by aliens and many scientists reporting that it is only a matter of time before we will be invaded by forces from beyond our Solar System. But don’t panic – the Alien Invasion Manual offers the very latest insight and intelligence available on aliens and their plans to take over our gleaming blue planet. In true Haynes style, it aims to demonstrate how with the right knowledge, training and a substantial reel of aluminium foil, the concerned citizen can really hit ET where it hurts.
Sean T. Page has offered the following tips to survive the inevitable alien invasion:
Understand The Threat – Grab a pencil, calculator & physics book & start brushing up on what we currently know about the universe. Any visitors from beyond our Solar System will have technology far in advance of anything we have on Earth. So, best know the difference between a black hole & cosmic strings, as well as the latest theories around faster than light travel. If you’re no book worm, keep training & find a bashing weapon – it’ll soon be time to take down any little green men who arrive on Earth.
Plan Ahead – Earth is a tempting target for several alien races, from lizard shape shifters known as Draconians to the real Greys made famous by the TV series the X-Files. It’s time to start making plans to defend the planet when they invade, so we’re talking gathering plenty of supplies, developing a network of like-minded contacts & keeping your eyes peeled for any mysterious flying objects or suspicious looking clones.
Stay Alert - ET Preppers are a growing community of Earth defence enthusiasts across the world who have information on everything from the best tin foil to protect against mind-scanning technology to where you can hit a Grey to really do it some damage. Hang out with these folks, learn their strange ways and take one of their combat classes in the martial art known as Alien Fu.
Get Paranoid – Almost all of the scientific studies published looking at first contact scenarios between humanity & alien species end badly for us. From the captured Greys in Area 51, we know that many aliens see us as “..amusing but dim apes..” whilst dimensional travellers such as The Nordics see little of value in humanity apart from Steve Nicks & New Age music. If we’re gonna survive, we need to stay frosty, get serious about defending Earth & start building our own Death Star...NOW.
The Alien Invasion Manual offers advice on how to protect your home and family from mindbending abductions, how you can ensure that you remain free of any sinister implants and how to determine which members of the Conservative Party are shape-shifting lizards. Accompanied by illustrations, maps, diagrams and step-by-step instructions, this resistance manual will be essential reading for those interested in protecting the planet from alien invaders.
About the author
Sean T Page is an expert in what he describes as ‘the alien menace to this planet’. Being abducted by a flying saucer as a child did not stop him from earning a GSCE grade D in physics which he has used to create a more scientific approach to the defence of Earth. In 2010, he finally joined the Ministry of Alien Defence in London where he is still on the longest induction known to the civil service. His hobbies include paranoia, conspiracy theories and antiques.
*To be able to claim against the bet, any current global government must announce that there has been an invasion by extra-terrestrials. This does not include ex-ministers like Paul Hellyer, the former Canadian Defence Minister as he is no longer in post.
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